I was 10 years old when I became anti-God.
Once I heard who God was and the consequence of not following Him, I wanted nothing to do with Him. In fact, I was content to make my bed in hell and I was perfectly okay with that.
Nine years later, I desired to give my life to Christ.
The power of the Holy Spirit transformed my heart & I was so eager to be baptized. I kept asking the pastor when the next baptism would be because I so desperately wanted to belong to Jesus.
God felt absent. I felt empty.
I struggled to read and understand the Bible, connect with God, die to myself, and wholeheartedly follow Christ. With no discipleship or godly leadership, I fell into false doctrines, self-idolatry, greed, self ambition, and much more.
9
years later
3,287 days
of feeling far from God
100+ hours
crying in frustration and sadness
Everything was falling apart. I hit rock bottom. I was sick & tired.
December 31, 2019, I purposed it in my heart to put God first
for real in the new year. I didn't know what to expect but I was hoping all my hope and dreams would come true.
My hopes & dreams didn't happen.
Things much greater and better than my meager self-glorifying hopes and dreams happened over the first eight months of 2020. I was delivered from myself and met God instead.
I met Love & I fell in love with Him.
Jesus single-handedly captivated my preoccupied heart with His unending love, grace, mercy, and beauty. I tasted His overwhelming love and my whole life changed. He gave me the living revelation of Him being my Bridegroom-King and gave me understanding of what that meant for the Church, His bride, and more specifically, for me.
I finally began to understand the love of God in a significant way, one I had never experienced nor understood before. The revelation of understanding and experiencing such a deep love (Ephesians 3:16-20) caused me to truly love Him and choose Him over and over again above everything else. He became exalted in my heart and I turned away from my idolatry to be one with Him.
Being married to Christ.
Through encounters, experiences, and conversations with the Bridegroom-King, Jesus began to share His zeal, passion and heart for His body, His bride (Ephesians 5:25-27).
The Word took on flesh, lived, suffered, and was murdered to:
- Be the Way for humankind to become children of God
- Present to Himself His very own spotless and holy bride.
The unfaithful wife.
How could He reveal such truths to me, and not be changed? I simply couldn't. My heart began to melt at His persistence as He beckons His bride to be a faithful wife. It was plain to see that I was that unfaithful wife He brought back to faithfulness (Hosea 2) and that He wants His entire Body, the Church, to live out each day as His glorious bride.
My heart was transformed
In Jesus' Presence, with tears running down my face, I asked Him to bring others to this place of bridal intimacy with Him, as He did in my heart.
I was willing to give everything, dedicating the rest of my life, just so the Son would receive the fullness of His inheritance and gift from the Father - a faithful wife and eternal companion.
By December 2020, Jesus confirmed His call for me to be a voice to women proclaiming that the Bridegroom is coming soon and He desires the heart of His bride right now.
I live for Him.
Words cannot begin to describe the length, depth, height, or width of the love I have for God and for Jesus. My life is full with love from our Abba (the Father) and from His beautiful Son, Whom Abba has given to me as ALL that I’ll ever need; Yeshua, my Bridegroom. I’m no longer living an empty colorless life…instead I wake up to a living-color reality spending each day with the true Love of my life; Jesus. Experiencing His love & loving Him has changed everything about me and my life. I’m MORE than GLAD that it pleased Him to reveal this part of His heart to me.
The end.